Demonic Tutor

Magic: the Gathering in the UK

It has come to my attention that we at the Games Club have developed our own colloquial language, which others (aka noobs) might find hard to understand. I've also noticed that this forum has attracted some new players to the scene, who may be intimidated by this tom-foolery.

For example, the esteemed (and very orange) Mr Grover almost killed someone on Friday by raining Chandalier glass apon them via an incredibly dexterous throw of a 20 sided dice.

Noobs must be warned of they dangers they face!

I therefore propose we compile a dictionary of words and phrases to help these unfortunates understand what they're getting themselves into.

I'll start.




The London Games Club Urban Dictionary

’And then?’ [And-theeeen] Question
Used mostly in drafts and long games, directed towards slow players or speedbumps. Can also be used to answer stupid questions, or address stupidity. (eg ‘Pitfall trap your Skyfisher.’ ‘… AND THEEEEN?’)
Source: Warren Vonk

'Are you done?!' [Aar-yew-dun], aggressive question
To be shouted at Speedbump drafters, or at Mr Steve Bernstein as he tries to trade for foils during his second turn.
Source: Warren Vonk

Berning [Birn-ing] verb
To use the outcome to justify the means (example: 'It doesn't matter if I miss-played, I still won!'). A hindrance to improvement.
Source: Dan Barrett

Browning [Brow-ning] verb
To think you're much better at Magic (and at life) than you actually are.
(eg. 'Stop browning, Tom!')
Source: Dan Barrett

Broken [bro-kin] Adjective
Most commonly used to pronounce the power of cards, decks or combos. (eg. 'Teferi is just broken obv'.) Can also be used to refer to an advanced state of inebriation.
Source: Warren Vonk

For Sale [For-Sail] Game
The world's premiere property-trading card game. OBV.
Source: Dan Barrett

Heads-or-tails [Heds-or-taylz] game
A form of gambling where two players provide an anti, and then flip a coin, calling heads or tails between them. The winner takes the ante. Most common way to lose saclands.
Source: Dan Barrett

Lucksack [Luk-sak] noun, verb
Refers to complete and utter dumb luck. (Examples: 'That top-deck was Lucksack!', 'You fucking Lucksack!', 'I need to lucksack my third pack!')
Source: Warren Vonk

Docking [Dok-ing] verb
The act of stretching ones foreskin over the glans of another mans' penis.
Note from source: (not specifically games club, but important to know anyway).
Source: Ross Miles

Fist pump action
A pumping of the fist upwards or forwards proceeding an epic victory or play. Usually accompanied by a RUH!
Source: Warren Vonk

GG [Gee Gee] Exclamation, acronym
Short for ‘Good Game’, and usually said at the end of a game, and with gusto if it was indeed, a good game. Can also be used to congratulate someone on pulling, or to sarcastically reveal a stupid action (eg. ‘GG Grover – you almost killed that guy!’)
Source: James Mills

LOL [LAWL] Exclamation, leet speak
Slang for 'Laugh out loud', originating from the internet and teenage girl texts. Pronounced LAWL, and most often used instead of actual laughter.
Source: Warren Vonk

'Man up!' [Man-up] verb, exclamation, command
Most commonly used to exert peer pressure apon a friend with the intention of having them do something against their will by questioning their masculinity. (examples: 'Man-up and have another beer!' 'Man-up and Heads-or-tails your Foil Misty Rainforest for my 2 sac lands!')
Source: Dan Barrett

Mills time [Mils-tym] Approximately 11pm on Fridays, Saturdays or both
Refers to the tom-foolery and random actions that occur once James Mills reaches a certain level of drunk. Some examples may include: Liberal use of foul language, punches to the face, beer poured over unlucky individuals, random throwing of magic cards, profuse slurring, general chaos, pissing in bins, attempting to glass Geoff, knocking over beers, eating other peoples food, stealing a bottle of champagne, religious hate speech from out of nowhere, running naked through sprinkler systems, damage to private property.
Note from source: Please contribute to this list of examples if possible.
Source: Warren Vonk, Dan Barrett, Ben Titmarsh

Mr Steve Bernstein [Miss-tir Steev Birnsteen] noun
Most commonly recognised as the slowest magic player in the known universe. Is often caught Berning. Will trade body parts for foils.
Source: Warren Vonk

’Must be nice’ [Must-bee-nise] Exclamation
Most commonly pronounced after a lucksack or just before a long session of berning or stanjing. Can also be used within jealous rants, referring usually to hot wives/girlfriends/pulls.
Source: Warren Vonk

Obv [OB-v] Exclamation
Slang for ‘obviously’, with approximately 8 times the strength of ‘obviously’ (eg. ‘Blue is the best colour in Magic obv!)
Source: Warren Vonk

Pat Chapin [Retard] Not actually good at Magic
'Professional' Magic player and writer who Mr. Steve Bernstein aspires to dock with.
Source: Ben Titmarsh

Paulo Vitor Damo Da Rosa [Better than Chapin] Made of win name
Professional Magic player and writer who Mr. Steve Bernstein aspires to dock with.
Source: Ben Titmarsh

Redonk, Redik, Redonkulous [said as spelled] synonym
Often used in place of ‘ridiculous’. Used to emphasise terrible miss-plays or lucksacks, and broken cards, decks and combos. (eg. ‘Teachings is just redonk!’)
Source: Warren Vonk

Rinsed [Rins-t] verb
Signifying a brutal defeat or victory. Synonyms include: pawned, GG’ed, owned, RUH!
Source: Warren Vonk

Royde Rage [Roid Rayg] A huff
When Daniel Royde unleashes a posh voiced rant and flings his arms around madly - usually Magic related, and frequently accompanied by requests for spectators to leave the area. Also it's his nickname. ‘Roid’, that is.
Source: James Mills, Dan Barrett

’Ruh!’ [As spelled, and with force] Exclamation, threat, synonym
Shortened from the original term, Rinsed, and used profusely by Martin, usually in redonkulously close proximity to one’s ear. Is usually accompanied by a Fist pump or table slam. Can also be used to emphasise pawnage (eg. ‘That scrub just got owned! RUH!’)
Source: James Mills

Sack [Sak] noun
Shortened form of lucksack. Also used to refer to the male scrotum.
Source: Dan Barrett

Sacland [Sak-land] card
Nickname for Scourge and Zendikar rare lands that allow you to pay 1 life, and sacrifice the land to search for a specific basic land to be put into play untapped. Not to be confused with the scrotum.
Source: Warren Vonk

Speedbump [Speedbum-p] noun
A drafter with more than 3 draft piles to get through. See Mr Steve Bernstein
Source: Warren Vonk

Stanjing [Stan-jing] verb
Finding flippant and mostly irrelevant excuses when suffering defeat to cover up the loss. Also associated with whining like a schoolgirl.
Source: Steve Bernstein

TBH [TEE-BEE-AICH] leet speak
Acronym for ‘To Be Honest’, and pronounced ‘TEE-BEE-AICH’. (eg. ‘£12.95 for a draft is RUH!, TBH.’)
Source: Warren Vonk

Teachings [teech-ingz] deck
The best standard deck of all time obv. (trivia: Teachings is so redonkulous, Thomas David Baker has built a cube consisting of ONLY cards from main decks and sideboards of any top 8 deck to feature the card Mystical Teachings. It’s commonly known as the best cube ever.)
Source: Warren Vonk

’Tee hee’ [Ti-hee] High-pitched, mischievous exclamation
A cheeky onomatopoeic expression of laughter, usually at someone’s expense, or at a bit of mischievous behaviour or conversation. (eg. ‘Boobs… Tee hee!’)
Source: James Mills

The limper [The-lim-per] noun
An exceptionally weak pre-game handshake offering no resistance or grip in an attempt to put off opponents. Can be combined with slight moisture for maximimum effect.
Source: Ross Miles

Windmill slam action
Usually occurs as a natural reaction to cracking a money card, involving holding said money card in the palm of your hand, swinging one’s arm around 300 degrees and table slamming with incredible force.
Source: Tiff Leek


As shown in the above example, we could easily fill an entire book with this shit.

Contribute away!

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Howling Mine: A card which can single handedly win you entire tournaments, so long as you don't forget the triggers.
Got a few more:

'Made of win' and 'Epic fail'.

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